When you were younger, did your mother ever tell you not to hang out with a certain group of kids? Do you know why she told you that? Because mother’s have an instinct for danger, a built in danger meter. They know when danger is near. She also told you that because she knew an age old truth: We become like the people we associate with. It’s true. I’ve had several friends in my life that I hung out with and if they had a particular saying or phrase they always repeated, I undoubtedly started integrating that phrase into my vocabulary after being with them for an extended period of time.

This principle can also be applied when it comes to sharing your goals with others. There’s an old story that says if you put 3 crabs in a bucket one will always try to climb out. As it gets to the top, the other crabs in the bucket will always pull the one trying to climb out back down. A lot of times that’s true with the people we spend time with. It’s not that they don’t want you to succeed, it’s that they don’t want you to leave.

One of my favorite recent movies is Invincible. It’s the story about Vince Papali, a wide receiver and special teams player for the Philadelphia Eagles (I’m a Giants fan but still loved the movie) who got a chance to try out with the Eagles and made it. In one of the scenes at the bar where Papali works, one of his friends is acting strange, picking on him and being nasty to him. When Papali asks the bar owner, another friend of his, what’s going on, he tells Papali that the other guy is afraid Papali is going to leave them and never look back after he starts playing pro ball.

When friends feel threatened by your success, they’re afraid that your friendship is going to end. Sometimes they’ll do crazy things to prevent that from happening. They’ll tell you that your crazy for wanting more, that you could never accomplish something and besides why would you want to do that because you have everything you already need: good friends, a good job, a family…what else do you need?

That’s why it’s important to share your goals only with people who believe in you. If I’m working on a big goal, there’s certain people I won’t tell. Not because I’m afraid of what they’ll say but because I don’t want to spend the energy explaining why I’m doing it when I could be putting that energy into accomplishing the goal. So go ahead and share your goals with your mentors and coaches. But be careful beyond that unless you know that the person, like a supportive spouse, would definitely get behind you.

You can do it and I definitely believe in you!