Today is a very special day in our family. It was 3 years ago today that my beautiful wife and best friend Joanne left this earth and began her journey to Eternal Life. My heart today is heavy but it is also full of joy. Heavy because the loss is great but full of joy because of the beautiful memories that she left us with.

Joanne and I had 9 children together. At her funeral I read a farewell letter to her in which I described our children as “9 pieces of you that I get to keep.” I never knew how true that statement was. As time has passed each of our children embody different qualities of her that bring her memory to life. The one quality that seems mostly at the forefront is her positive attitude which all the kids have been blessed with.

Joanne’s positive attitude was something that came naturally to her. She wasn’t afraid of working hard or doing what needed to be done. When we were struggling with finances and job losses or the addition of another child she would always say, “Hey, we’ll figure it out.” Not to say that she never worried, because she did, but she never felt we were at the end our ropes. In her mind there was always a way out. She had that bull dog determination that we’d find the way. And we always did. I, on the other hand, have spent the last 20 years reading and studying on how to keep my attitude positive. And I still struggle.

Today as I think back on the last 3 years of our life I’m reminded how great the struggle has been but also how great the reward has been. That may sound crazy but let me explain. There will never, on this earth at least, be a trade off that’s equal to losing her but there have been some “pearls” that I’ve discovered through our grief. These have enabled to me to get through this, the biggest challenge of my life so far.

First and foremost, my relationship with God is much stronger. I’ve always been a man of faith but when she died I looked to God and said, “You’ve taken all I had damn it. Now all I have is you.” I wrote the following in my journal early on in my grief: “In situations like this, all we have is God to lean on. And in some strang way, that’s a beautiful outcome of this terrible tragedy. Because when you’re stripped of everything and you think you have nothing left, He is there. So in having nothing, you have everything because you have Him! We were all praying for a miracle and many of us, including me, feel like we were abandoned and didn’t get it. But maybe the miracle was that by taking Joanne, we’d be more dependent on Him. Maybe by her death, I, and all of us, received the very miracle we were praying for.”

Then I must say that my relationships with my children are much stronger. For the mere fact that I’m all they have but also because they’re all I have. Before Joanne’s death, I as a working father wouldn’t see my children much. Now I work from home and it’s wonderful. I’m there when they need me (which is also a challenge) and my relationship with them is one of respect, love and trust. I don’t know if we would have had that otherwise.

Last I would say that I’ve learned a lot about me and who I am and what I can endure. It’s said that God never allows anything to come to you that you can’t handle. I know for a fact that that is true. One of the many verses of scripture that I hang on to is from Isaiah 40:31, “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; and they shall walk and not be faint.” This one verse sums up my life over the past 3 years. I don’t know how I do it except that God has given me strength. There is no other possible way. That and having friends and family who hold me up during difficult times.

So, my friends, I say all that because I know that times are tough. I know that you don’t know how you’re going to make it these next weeks, months and maybe years. I know because I’ve been there and I am there and I am sometimes still not sure. But one thing I am sure of is this: You don’t know what you can endure until you go through it. And if you take that on faith, reaffirm your trust and belief in God, whatever God is to you, I promise that you will make it. And in the words of my brave wife Joanne, “Hey, we’ll figure it out.” And I believe we will. In fact I know we will.

God Bless you on your journey.