Coaching and Inspiration

A few nights ago I was struggling. It was one of those days where I felt like I had had enough. Being a single father can weigh on you. It seemed as if everyone needed something from me and I couldn’t deliver. I was dangling at the end of my rope over a pond full of alligators and I was losing my grip. 

As a respite, I went to a favorite spot in my office. It’s a window dormer where I have a special altar in honor of my late wife Joanne. I knelt down and began to ask my Higher Power for more strength. I questioned everyone and everything I could think of. The tears came for the first time in many months.

As I leaned on the altar motionless and spent, I could feel the cold air coming through the window seams and I could hear the leaves rustling in the night breeze. I was waiting for an answer. I was waiting for more strength. I was waiting for anything I could get my arms around.

Just then I heard it. Off in the distance were familiar sounds. They were getting louder and closer. Canadian Geese!

With my eyes still closed, my mind wandered back to a story I read many years ago, before my life changed in an instant. Here’s the story reprinted for you to enjoy:

Lessons from the Geese

This fall, when you see Geese heading south for the winter, flying along in "V" formation, you might consider what science has discovered as to why they fly that way. As each bird flaps its wings, it creates uplift for the bird immediately following. By flying in "V" formation the whole flock adds at least 71% greater flying range than if each bird flew on its own.
When a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to go it alone and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird in front.
When the Head Goose gets tired, it rotates back in the wing and another goose flies point.
Geese honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed.
Finally, and this is important, when a goose gets sick, or is wounded by gunshots and falls out of formation, two other geese fall out with that goose and follow it down to lend help and protection. They stay with the fallen goose until it is able to fly, or until it dies. Only then do they launch out on their own, or with another formation to catch up with their group.
By Dr. Robert McNeish, 1972

As I thought about this story I realized that my answer came. Those geese were not above my house that night by happenstance. They were there at the perfect time that I needed them, divinely guided. They were there to remind me of all the people in my life who’ve uplifted me, encouraged me, took over the lead for me and finally, who fell to the ground with me and stayed with me until I could go on. What I was asking for had already been given. I just needed to be reminded.
 

"Self-acceptance comes from meeting life’s challenges vigorously. Don’t numb yourself to your trials and difficulties, nor build mental walls to exclude pain from your life. You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory."

J. Donald Walters
Author, Lecturer and Playwright

If we lived like the quote above suggests, we’d me more content and happier in our lives. I know this personally from a tragedy that struck my family a couple of years ago. My wife of 15 years passed away after a 9 month battle with cancer. You can read our story here. But, thankfully, I’ve learned on my own personal development journey that you can’t give up when bad things happen. Even though I wanted to quit, I didn’t. I had a responsibility and I was able to stick with it by getting help with the kids and meals.

I firmly believe that we are given challenges to become stronger. A diamond is a piece of coal that’s been under a lot of pressure for a very long time. We’re all diamonds in our own regard. Don’t get discouraged when bad things happen. Hold on to your faith and ask for help. It may be hard at first but whatever you need will be given by the people who surround you, even strangers.

Today I’m stronger and more appreciative of each day. I’ve learned the value of friends, family and time alone. I still have hard days but for the most part they are good. We’ve been able to come through a tough situation victorious. If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s this: Life is a giant portrait and we only get to see one little corner of it. But there’s a much bigger picture. If we hold on to our faith, there will come a day when we’re able to see the whole portrait. And I can’t wait to see it!

I know you can do it and I definitely believe in you~

I was reading a devotional this morning about priorities. The writer said something that resonated with me. She was talking about finding time to do something extra that a friend had suggested. Here’s what she wrote: "Where will I ever find the time for that? But I don’t so much have a full life as I have a very comfortable routine, one that requires little thought as I move through it. What I really need to do is to start with a blank piece of paper and revamp my routine completely to find the time for priorities and eliminate some of the junk that creeps in, perhaps accompanied by a very loud voice but of very little importance."

Wow! How many times in your life have you made the excuse that you have no time? Whether it’s a personal development program, coffee with an old friend, projects around the house, cleaning up your file drawers or picking up the phone to call that prospect on your list that you’ve been fearful of. The truth is that we all have the same amount of time. How we use it is key. What the writer of this morning’s devotional was talking about was time with God.

Where is God these days anyway? He’s pretty absent from the business world. In fact, he’s pretty absent from the whole world. Heck, we keep him in a little box until Sunday morning or maybe Wednesday night. Then we pull him out for an hour, but first we look around to make sure no one’s looking. Then we push him back into the box where he stays until the next time we need him. Or we disguise him as some force or spirit in the universe so we can pretend that he’s not a real person with real laws to follow and real consequences attached to those laws. In essence we’ve created a god using our own rules that fits our lifestyle. That’s a very dangerous move.

The point is this: We need to re-examine our routines. There’s plenty of time to do things we want to do and there’s plenty of time to do the things we should be doing. Priorities are important and at the top of the list should be time with God. When you start the list with the right thing, the rest of the list only gets easier. I want you to think about where God is in your life. If you’ve buried him away somewhere or hidden him behind some politically correct facade, consider putting him back where he always intended to be - as the number one priority in your life. Then you will begin to experience the meaning of real self improvement.

I know you can do it and I definitely believe in you!

One of the complaints I hear a lot of, especially in network marketing, is that people are having difficulty overcoming obstacles. I think one of the things I learned recently can help. Before you set out to call your list, sit down with a yellow pad and a cup of coffee and try to come up with all the objections that you can think of that people will give you. Start with the objections you first had when you were approached. It’s likely that those are very valid. Then explore what your sponsor told you. It obviously eased your concerns enough to get you involved, right? Then come up with responses to the rest of the objections on the list you made. Then organize them and go to work on memorizing them and put them in a place, like next to the phone, where you will always have them for your phone sessions.

As you get more training from your up-line, you’ll undoubtedly have more and better answers to add to your arsenal. What this does is give you the necessary preparedness to have intelligent conversations with your prospects. The first couple of calls you make you’ll sweat them out, fumble your words and probably just want to hang up the phone and quit. Especially if you’re not in sales as a career. But just remember this: Sales is simply using a product or service to solve people’s problems. It’s nothing more, nothing less. If your prospect doesn’t have a problem to solve, they won’t buy in to your concept.

The thing you shouldn’t do is try to convince your prospect to get in the business. That leads to potential arguments, and then bad feelings down the road that may change or permanently alter your relationship with that person. I love this mantra: "Some will. Some won’t. So what." It’s OK to still be friends with people who won’t get in your business. If you’re getting different advice then that, you may want to search out another business to get involved with. That’s flat out wrong. If the person is very negative, then lessen the amount of time you spend with them. But you shouldn’t, under any circumstances sever the relationship.

The other piece about that is that a lot of network marketing leaders tell you to wait until you’re successful and then rub it into the faces of the "jerks" who didn’t want to get in business with you. More bad advice. Listen, God led you to this business and it can be very lucrative. It would be wrong for you to treat people differently because they wouldn’t get in. The reason God led you to it is because he knows it can be a powerful tool to reach people that couldn’t otherwise be reached. So make sure you use it that way.

Lastly, if people tell you that network marketing is "hokey" or is an "illegal pyramid" and they can’t believe you’re doing "THAT", just politely thank them for listening to you, say a quick prayer for them and continue to love them. Once they see your success with it, they’ll inquire again with a more open mind. They just haven’t heard enough positive about it and are usually reacting to someone else’s comments. Remember what an Executive Diamond in the Amway business once said: "Even if you do nothing for 20 years and in your 21st year you sponsor 6 people that become directs, you’ll be a Diamond. It will make the last 20 years worth it!"

I know you can do it and I definitely believe in you!

I was recently listening to a great goal setting program which was an interview with John Goddard, the World’s #1 Achiever. At the age of 15, John wrote a list of over 100 things he wanted to achieve in his life. The very first item on that list was to travel the whole length of the Nile River which had never been done before. It’s over 4,000 miles long and John achieved that goal with 2 other explorers by kayak. That achievement alone would have been astounding as a life goal for anyone else. And not only did John Goddard complete that whole list, he’s completed over 400 more and today he’s in his 70’s and is still going strong. He’s a man who doesn’t stop at anything. One thing he said in the program was, "The spice of life is goal setting and goal achieving." I couldn’t agree with him more.

Listening to him is amazing. Just by him talking about everything he’s done makes your heart pound. The first time I listened to the program I started recalling a bunch of dreams I had 10-15 years ago that I gave up on. I gave up on them for one simple reason - because I didn’t keep them out in front of me. When you don’t review your goals and dreams they escape you. Sometimes for years on end. I started a new list this past week and I’m not done yet.

There’s nothing more important than keeping your dreams in front of you. Listen, I understand. I know stuff happens and we shelf our dreams for a while. The death of my wife in 2005 was the single most horrific experience my family has had to go through. Sometimes, with the big struggles, you have no choice but to shelf your dreams for a while. But don’t forget them. They truly are the spice of life. They make life interesting and keep you going despite your struggles. Even the big ones.

John says, "People go through life satisfied with a vanilla existence." That means that their lives are "ho-hum". Don’t let your life be ‘ho-hum". Vow today that you will dig out your dream list and re-write it if necessary. Times change and so do dreams. After you write them again, keep them in front of you. Make a dream board over your desk at home where you can post pictures of your dreams and goals. Keep looking at them on a daily basis. Make it so that if someone asked you, "What’s your dream?" you can rattle off 5 or 10 things that you want to do in life. Big things.

Finally, remember what Mark Twain said, "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the tread winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

I know you can do it and I definitely believe in you!

If you’re a casualty from the subprime sector of the mortgage business and your in sales, here are some things you can do to prepare yourself to get back in:

1. Update your resume professionally. If you can’t do that, do it yourself and get it in the hands of someone who was a hiring manager in the business that agrees to review it. Then make the changes they recommend.
2. Isolate all your contacts in the business that you’ve worked with in the recent past and the distant past. List EVERYONE you can think of even if you think they don’t like you.
3. Formulate an email to all these contacts to let them in on your availability and send them a copy of your resume to see if they have any positions available or know anyone who does. Make sure you get names, contact numbers and email addresses of potential contacts they may know. Also, don’t ask, "Do you know anyone who is hiring?" Instead, ask "Who do you know that is hiring?" There’s a big difference in those two questions.
4. Join several of the networking websites online such as LinkedIn where you can post your information and connect with people you’ve worked with. A key point here is to get yourself recommended on these sites as well. This is where you get other people to "endorse" your past work by recommending you. The magic behind these sites is that every person that you know has a sphere of influence that you otherwise would have no contact with. Once you get "LinkedIn" with the people you know, you can view the names and contact info of everyone they know. That’s powerful! I have some people in my network that have several hundred contacts.
5. Put together a small website about yourself and post your resume on it. Most internet services come with a small amount of webspace that you can utilize.
6. Get together your last 2 years paystubs or W2s. Most mortgage companies want proof that you made what you stated on the application at your last job. Be prepared to prove it.
7. Put together a list of past clients that were impressed with your work. Include names and phone numbers of key people potential hiring managers can call.
8. Prepare yourself to do things you haven’t done in a while. For example, the last company I worked at did not require their sales people to complete call sheets. That’s not the case in many companies anymore. Be prepared to do things you either haven’t done in a while, or have never done before.
8.5 Prepare yourself to step back a little in your career. If you can’t get your ideal job, but think you found the ideal company, deciding to take a temporary step back could mean major strides ahead down the road. Just make sure you set a goal to move up using the goal setting techniques I talk about in this blog.

The final thing I’ll tell you is this: The most important key to your success in finding a new job is your attitude. If it sucks, it will show through in every interaction you have. Remember, people don’t want to work with crappy attitudes. Like the old song says, "Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again." But do it with a smile on your face!

I know you can do this and I definitely believe in you!

My son (9th grade) came home from school yesterday and was asking if his report card came. I said it didn’t and his reply was, "Good." That didn’t sit well with me! Well today it came. In order to set the stage here I must tell you that we’re in the middle of having him evaluated for a learning disability. He excels at things he’s interested in but doesn’t do well at all in things he loathes.

When he got home tonight I told him his grades and he had a big smile on his face. "Really! That’s pretty good!" It was better than the last one but it was by no means "pretty good." Each time I have this conversation with him I have to try hard to remember when I was his age. My grades were about the same. But I would never DARE to say to my parents that the grades were "pretty good." Today, kids are much more open with their parents which I’m OK with. As long as it doesn’t border on disrespectful (which I see a lot these days) I’m ok encouraging honest communication.

Also today, my daughter’s teacher (4th grade) wrote on her report card that she’s a day dreamer in class. I wanted to email her and scream out how awesome I think that is! Our world is short on dreamers. Now of course, the practical parent in me talked with her about the proper places to dream but I certainly didn’t scold her for day dreaming. When I asked her about it she said, "Well dad, I’d rather be at the beach then in class…" Of course she was polishing her 10th grade comedienne skills.

As I think about the subject of school, it’s hard not to preach the programs that we learned growing up. In reality, school is important because of the traits you develop, not for the stuff you can memorize. Most of what you learn won’t be used later in life with the exception of basic math, writing and English. But the traits you learn - study habits, discipline, relationships with other students, teamwork, respect for adults, athletic abilities, structure, and certain creative talents - are invaluable (I’m sure I’m leaving something out). The truth of the matter is that many of the world’s most wildly successful people either dropped out of school early, didn’t go to college, or stayed in until the end of college but didn’t do well in their subjects. But they most definitely mastered one or more of the traits I mentioned above, especially if they’re in sales today.

So, this is a mortgage and financial services sales blog and what does all this have to do with selling? I think the tie in is that we cause ourselves a lot of stress by holding on to things teachers and parents told us and we let that squelch what we can be and do later in life. Selling is a tough enough field without all this. When you’re good at sales - not just numbers, but the quality of all the traits above - you have to bring all your faculties together to help you be your best and stay on top of everything. Carrying crap from the past weighs you down and negatively affects how good you can sell.

Know this: How well you did in school really has nothing to do with how well you can do in life. If you want to be the best mortgage loan officer or the best insurance consultant, then you can be. But you must drop off some of those bags in the trash on your way into your office. Remember, they need you but you certainly don’t need them.

I know you can do it and I definitely believe in you!

I was listening to a great program the other day by Vic Johnson and he said something that really resonated with me. He said, "If anyone talked to your children the way you talk to yourself, you’d probably have them arrested!" That described me several years ago and I was my own worst enemy. I’ve spent the last several years teaching myself how to change my self talk. What I’ve learned is amazing. Even today I sometimes struggle with things I think or say about myself. It’s such a strong force in our lives and I believe that working on this one aspect of yourself sets the groundwork for more change to follow.

This world needs instruction on how to change self talk. The more I go through life and interact with people, the more I say to myself, "This person could benefit from some new self talk." I hear things like, "I’m so stupid," and "Why do I always do that? I’m such an idiot." I try to tell them that those kind of statements are just building upon what’s already there. Someone I know repeats this phrase probably a minimum of 5 times a day, "I can’t even remember what happened 5 minutes ago. How am I supposed to remember what happened yesterday or the day before?" And you know what, she always forgets things we talk about. Why? Because she is pounding into her brain her belief about her terrible memory over and over and over again. And her brain believes her and is acting on that belief. Every time she’s listening, her brain is saying, "I don’t really need to remember this because I’m going to forget about it in 5 minutes anyway." And it does.

In my business I recommend that people use self talk CDs to change their programming. These professionally recorded CDs tell you true statements about who you are and what you can do. That’s a great place to start because it builds the foundation of successful programming. Stop talking trash to yourselves. You’re worth more than that. And so are your kids. Because if you talk trash to your own mind, you most likely are talking trash to the people closest to you. Take responsibility and make that change for yourself and your loved ones. Let me know if you want to get your hands on some of those CDs.

I know you can do it and I definitely believe in you.

I was having coffee with a friend recently and he was telling me how he left a company he was with for several years after he got a call from some people he used to work with and they wanted him to come to work with them. After much thought he decided to leave the position he was in to go for this "better opportunity". Four months later the new company closed and he found himself out of work. Many people take this risk understanding that it’s necessary to move ahead only to find out that they’ve made a crucial mistake.

Omar Bradley, the 20th century American Army Commander said, "We need to learn to set our course by the stars, not by the lights of every passing ship." Left to our own discernment about what this means could lead us down several roads. What struck me when I first read it was that the stars are permanent. They haven’t changed much in millions of years so we should make our decisions based on what we know to be consistently reliable, unlike passing ships.

I wouldn’t say that my friend made his decision based on a ship passing in the night. When it happens once and is made with the right amount of thought, the best decision is made at the right time with the right amount of information. When you make that kind of decision more than once, like I’ve done, because every opportunity that comes along looks better than the last one, you’re headed for disaster like an oil tanker that runs aground. I’ve learned what Omar Bradley knew: When you make decisions you should make them based on things that are stable, like the stars. Understanding that, we have to remember that an acceptable amount of risk is good, just not risking everything for every opportunity that comes along.

As sales people, we have to stay focused on what we know to be true. We can’t let everything someone says drag us down. If a former customer is bad mouthing your company, don’t try to find ways to validate it and complain to your boss. You’d do much better by standing up for what you know your company represents and re-painting the right image into the mind of your customer without tearing down your former customer.

The next time you’re in a situation and you’re not sure how to react, look upward and realize that the only road is the one you know to be true, reliable and has a history of success. I know you can do it and I definitely believe in you!

"There was a very cautious man
Who never risked, or tried.
He never hoped, he never failed;
He never laughed or cried.
And when he one day passed away,
His insurance was denied
For since he never really lived
They claim he never died!"

This is a very powerful poem that speaks volumes about living. How do you live? Are you out to make a quick buck or are you out to change lives? As sales people we come in contact with a lot of people either in person or over the phone. Have you ever thought about how you affect their day or their life? Do they see you coming and hurry up and pick up the phone? Are they glad after you leave because the room brightens up? These are some great questions.

We are in the greatest profession in the world. There’s no other profession where you’ll have the opportunity to meet new people everyday and have a positive effect on their lives. Making money is definitely important. But what’s more important is going to sleep at night knowing that you’ve had a positive effect on someone else’s life. Don’t be like the man in the poem. Be someone who people look forward to seeing.

I know you can do it and I definitely believe in you.